At some time or other in your life, you may have acted out a scenario much like the following: You and your wife just bought a brand-new, high-end Lexus decked out to the max, putting you both deeply in debt.
You both took extra care of your cherished luxury coach and showed it to all your friends. You had a lingering doubt about your wife’s driving ability, but you let her be the principal driver.
One Saturday afternoon, you get a call from your wife to come pick her up. She has had a little accident while driving around town. What is your first concern? Your new Lexus, or your wife? What is your second concern? Is it your wife’s fault, or did someone hit her?
You pick her up. Thank God she is completely safe, and no one was injured. However, both your brand new car, and the junky car of the teenage driver who rear-ended her, are totaled.
You’ve got lots of headaches ahead. At least you are completely covered. Your wife then sheepishly reveals that she let your insurance lapse, and she has to call the auto insurance company to renew the policy.
You hit the roof!
What is going on here? Clearly, it is fear.
Beneath our pretense of having it all together lies a huge shadow self that goes very deep. It remembers life in the jungle. It is acutely aware of how many people die every day. With therapeutic regression, it might even remember the birth trauma.
Some shrinks think it all started there: bright lights, a sudden impact and a relative loss of consciousness. Going through that tunnel everything closed in on you. Without warning, you were slapped and forced to breathe in an alien world.
As you grew into childhood and adolescence, you learned to blame people and things, just like most of your friends and relatives. The newspapers and TV continue to do much the same thing. It is assumed that you are your body and mind, and that either can go at any time. Life is suffering. Watch out, so that you can cut bait and save your ass!
All of us deal with fear every day of our lives. We have a deep sense of vulnerability that we do our best to hide. However, intimate couples can see all too well through each other’s masks.
If we take a close look at it, it amounts to risking the total loss of control. It is assumed that we are our bodies and minds, just as we have been taught, and everyone and everything is “out there,” either friends or enemies. In order to gain any sense of certainty, we have to label every single situation.
As the Zen Buddhists put it, shit happens! However, we like to add blame, shame, guilt, even divine punishment to it. It is easier to blame someone or something besides ourselves, even our spouses.
If we truly get stuck, then we will point the finger at the mirror and beat ourselves up. Just so long as we can shift the responsibility “out there” in the face of a situation that is inconvenient, uncomfortable and maybe even overwhelming.
Rarely do we take into account that, in the process, we lose all our sense of power, love, joy and peace. If we have our bank account and our possessions, fine. We can survive. Even if it means losing everything that makes life truly worthwhile.
Learn more by reading: How Projection Can Work Against You
Responsibility offers us a whole new realm of possibility. While it is OK to continue playing the ever popular blame game, we don’t have to go there anymore. In the wake of transformation, a new context for our lives emerges.
Whatever happens, happens. Even if it is the Big One. Whatever doesn’t happen, doesn’t happen…until it does.
Werner Erhard showed us years ago that responsibility is most definitely NOT blame, shame or guilt. All these actions are an evasion of responsibility.
Authentic responsibility starts by owning your own experience.
Everything that happens in your world happens in your experience. If it isn’t in your experience, it doesn’t exist as far as you are concerned.
Freedom begins by being willing to own that you had something to do with every little thing that happens to you, good or bad. You may not clearly see it at the moment, but you sense your own complicity. To blame your wife is futile. What happened even a split second ago, happened. Nothing you can do about it now.
If it is in your experience, you can have faith that your innermost Self, Whom and What we call “God,” will have an answer, no matter how distressing the situation.
This is the YOU that lies deeply below your shadow self at the nucleus of your being. As you spend more time with it, you will find it is pure love. As both Dr. Deepak Chopra and Wayne Dyer put it, “There is a spiritual solution to every problem.”
Werner Erhard went on to suggest that we are responsible, not only for what we do to others, but what they do to us. This line of thinking goes on to include what another does to another half way around the world. We are responsible for our world.
Werner emphasized that you cannot go and “make” someone else responsible. However, you yourself, have the opportunity to choose to live out of this context.
It may seem insane to take responsibility, not only for your own life, but for the entire planet, yet this is the way to true power and freedom. In our generation, more than any before us, more and more people are tuning into a love that is more powerful than all of our collective fear and violence.
Share your experience of the 'blame game' and how it may have impacted you (...in the comments area below).