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embarrassment
Nov 02

Embarrassed? Get Used to It!

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

“He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”

-Jesus Christ before a woman caught in the very act

If you are like most of us, you get deeply embarrassed when you do something totally stupid and everyone finds out. This issue came to the public’s attention with the nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court. Christine Blasey Ford, a Northern Californian college professor, accused him of sexual assault when they were just teenagers.

Whether true or not, this is a very serious allegation for someone being considered for the highest office in the land. When Judge Kavanaugh got defensive, it made us think that he might be guilty as charged. Today, no one can run for high office without being a target of any number of aspersions.

You are utterly void of social intelligence if you haven’t been totally embarrassed at least once in your life. It can be something as simple as unwittingly calling a prospective client twice in a row, or as serious as a quarterback blowing the game in the last second of the Super Bowl.

You Are Never the Only One

At the moment you goof up, it is tempting to feel that you are the only one to do such a stupid thing. Perhaps you call a well-known friend by the wrong name. The prevailing assumption people operate from is that they can do no wrong. If they stop looking good, it must certainly be their bad.

If you have ever gone to an intense workshop where everyone gets underneath their skin and reveals the skeletons in their closet, you will be amazed how nobody actually lives the proper storyline. Nobody comes up to the legendary “Ozzie and Harriet” in the early days of television. People get fired, divorced and have painful operations. They flunk out of their finals. Once I got an “F” when the whole test was simply “True” and “False” questions. I would have gotten a higher score by simply guessing!

Nobody consistently looks good, because we are all human. We can scarcely be conscious five minutes at a time, let alone every single minute. Nobody on Facebook or LinkedIn celebrates their failures. They give us the best possible impression. Don’t think they never made a big blunder in their past!

Most People Hardly Even Notice

A deeper realization you get from attending any growth seminar is that everyone is too immersed in their own melodrama to give undivided attention to anyone else. Psychologists reveal that after 24 hours, people have forgotten 90% of a sales presentation.

Sure, a few characters in your outer circle may occasionally take cheap shots at you. But the wiser among them won’t be anxious to cast the first stone. They have a long string of mistakes they hope no one else scrutinizes.

A relationship guru once disclosed that no matter how much you might love a woman, and she loves you, no woman can think of any man more than 50% of the time. We all have our own lives to live. The miracle, as the late Psychiatrist Fritz Perls pointed out, is that when we find each other, it’s beautiful!

Why Take Yourself So Seriously?

A fatal assumption is that the world revolves around you. Your Big Self IS the world. Your tiny self doesn’t even have a chance. Your body, itself, is your token in the Game of Life. It is your point of view that lets you play the game. Yet, the whole point of this game is to take delight in everyone and everything else.

Related Topic >>>   Self Criticism Works Against You

A wonderful psych instructor of mine at Cal Berkeley, Stephen Levine, advised his students to do something every day that makes you burst out laughing at yourself. Go ahead, be embarrassed. Come alive!

People love screwball comedy because it is cathartic. We can all be low-grade morons when we let our patterns run us. We more fully love people who have gone beyond looking good. When President Trump played the villain, millions identified him as real. On the other hand, Hillary Clinton, who may have an unimpeachable character, wasn’t transparent enough to win those crucial electoral votes.

embarrassment meaning

You Are Fully Alive Only When On the Edge

Embarrassment is a sign that you are pushing yourself forward. If you are never embarrassed, then you are definitely not taking enough risks. Life is all about growth. We never stop learning. To be a top performer requires a massive amount of practice. World-class experts require over 10,000 hours of it. They make mistakes all along the way…and learn from them!

Creative people are happy experimenting with their lives. They never want to get too settled in any one thing. A master like Picasso had at least half-a-dozen discrete periods, such as the Blue Period, the Rose Period and Cubism. Each time, Picasso had to reinvent himself. This may be why he is widely considered the greatest painter of the 20th Century.

When I was in elementary school, I tried out drumming in my school’s marching band. I had no talent for it. Even worse, I chose the wrong drum for the parade. I stood out as a sore thumb. Years later, while in an ad agency, one of my colleagues told me that I was “one of a kind.” He actually meant is as a kind of compliment.

True Leaders Are in Touch with Their Humanity

When we think of the greatest people who ever lived, we can see unmistakable marks of their humanity. We all think of Jesus Christ’s glorious Sermon on the Mount. We never think of His exasperation with His flesh-and-blood disciples, who seemed never to get it. Neither do we think of the rope whip He used to drive the money changers out of the temple.

A close study of Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King will disclose serious mistakes. Gandhi alienated his entire family in his attempt to practice egalitarianism. Fortunately, his wife stuck with him to the end. King has been accused of cheating on a paper at Boston University. This didn’t any less endear him to the adoring public. It made him seem all the more human!

The greatest achievement of any leader is to lead from behind, to lead more by influence than dictum. The Zen tradition focuses on ordinary mind and nothing special. Like an infinite fractal pattern, the perfection of life lies in its endless repetition, all the jagged curves which, when seen in totality, are deeply satisfying.

focus on growth

The next time someone singles you out as not thin enough, or smart enough or handsome enough, invite them to take the long view...

Please be patient. God is not finished with me yet

Aloha meaning
Aug 30

Aloha: The Universal Greeting

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

Most people live on a lonely island,
Lost in the middle of a foggy sea.
Most people long for another island,
One where they know they will like to be.

Bali Ha'i may call you,
Any night, any day,
In your heart, you'll hear it call you:
"Come away...Come away."

“Bali Hai” from Rodger’s & Hammerstein’s South Pacific

If you ever had the chance to travel around the world, you will find that not everyone greets you with “Hello!” a smile and a handshake. Other parts of the world prefer more meaningful expressions. In the Middle East, it is either “Shalom” or “Salaam,” both meaning peace. In India, it is “Namaste”, meaning “I salute the divinity within you.” In the Far East, it is either a bow of the head or of the waist.

However, there is one particular greeting known the world over which, hands down, would win a contest for the universal greeting: “Aloha!”. Thanks to extensive tourism and the media, most people have heard its melodious sound and have at least a vague sense of what it means.

Whatever interpretation you give “Aloha,” you can’t get away from the feeling of LOVE.

Why Aloha Speaks to Everyone

Aloha has such universal appeal because it is usually given with an embrace and a gorgeous lei, or garland. Whatever the Hawaiians say, they say in flowers. Blossoms in the hair, on the table, even on the food, itself. The island of Kauai is known as The Garden Island. The classic movie, South Pacific, was shot there, and it is hard to think of that film without seeing people surrounded by flowers, music and dancing.

Most people who visit Hawaii are in no hurry to leave. Tourists find enchantment in the air. While it might have the world’s best organized tourist industry, the personal touch is never forgotten. I remember walking along a boulevard in Honolulu looking for a pay phone. I dove into a hotel and asked the concierge where to find one. He told me to simply use his phone and ushered me to his desk.

When you receive an Aloha, you are the only person in the world who matters. You feel more more like a king than a millionaire. Everything is presence. Whatever you do is OK. There is never a rush about anything. Life is precious and sacred. It is natural to be conscious, rather than in your head. What else is there to do? Aloha is more than a state of mind; it is a state of being.

What Aloha Really Means

Aloha literally means sharing your breath, the divine breath, with someone else. We all breathe the very same air and share the very same life. A Hawaiian kiss is to put your foreheads together and breathe in the sacred mana. It is no accident that breath, wind and spirit are all closely related in the world’s languages. This is the vital energy that Indians call Prana, Chinese Chi and Japanese Ki.

Aloha means putting others’ welfare before your own. You ARE your brother’s keeper. Whoever is your neighbor IS your friend. Their wellbeing is your own. Joseph Campbell tells of a Hawaiian officer who almost jumped off a cliff to save an impulsive, suicidal youth. The cop later recounted, “If I had not done everything I could to save that teenager, I couldn’t live with myself another day.”

Aloha elevates you, as a guest, to the status of a god or goddess. I will do anything within my power to ensure your comfort. I am here to serve you, to honor you, to cherish you. Hawaii is a favorite wedding spot (Bill and Melinda Gates got married there), because that kind of love is in the air. When you step off the plane, you can literally smell the intoxicating fragrance of orchids and plumeria blossoms.

aloha translation

How Aloha Came to Embody Hawaii

Hawaii is the crown jewel of the Polynesian culture. I met Tahitians who confessed that they were jealous of the Hawaiians. They really had it good. This is a culture that prizes presence, harmony, gentleness. Being is valued above doing. Bliss is a prerequisite to life. You will do anything to ensure that your loved ones stay happy.

The missionaries came to Hawaii in the 19th century, and, among other things, banned nudity. However, the native Hawaiians won over their hearts to the point where we can see true Christianity practiced there. To be Polynesian is to be Christian, and to be Christian is to be Polynesian. Isn’t it all about love, anyway?

As Hawaii prepared to become a state within the U.S., rather than remain a territory like Puerto Rico, it seized upon “Aloha!” as its symbol. Hawaii officially became “The Aloha State.” It even named an airline by that word. Aloha became popularized all over the U.S., and eventually the world. However, the pure, innocent and gentle spirit behind it never entirely went away. That was the miracle!

How to Bring Aloha Home with You

The spirit of Aloha is something you just pick up without thinking about it. If you meet people born in Hawaii, you will be impressed with how delightful they are, how much in their bodies, how totally present. In Silicon Valley, we think of Guy Kawasaki, who evangelized the original Macintosh. Guy has always been filled with good humor, wit and playfulness. You can now find these qualities embedded in every Apple device.

Once you get to Hawaii, it will only be a matter of time before you have to leave. You know then that you are losing something irreplaceable. Where can you find land and sea like this? Where can you find a whole state that shares the Dalai Lama’s religion of kindness? I had one pal who flew from California to Hawaii every weekend just to be there.

You can deal with this by placing a high value on things Hawaiian. Not simply the Ukulele, steel guitar and hula dancers, but the beautiful places in creation that speak to your soul, secluded spots in the forest or by the sea. Perhaps a town or village where people are open and warm. People who never shrink from demonstrating hospitality.

aloha hawaii

How to Create Aloha Everywhere

Once you have brought Aloha home with you, you will seek ways to create that spirit wherever you go, with whomever you meet. Humanity is desperate for people who are truly present, who know how to simply love, who see the divinity within.

Seek out a spiritual practice or expression of faith that truly works for you. Even if it is simply meditating with your eyes closed five minutes a day. Sure, your monkey mind will go berserk and the task will seem hopeless. You might add yoga exercises or Tai Chi to it, as well. Simply persist. Think in terms of months and years, rather than minutes or hours.

Most importantly, get in touch with Divine Love in whatever form it manifests. That Love IS God, and God IS That Love. This may seem like an impossible project. However, if you know what truly matters, you are a step closer to bringing it about.

If you live in America, you are free to visit Hawaii. However, you are also free to celebrate the spirit of Aloha with everyone you meet. In doing so, you may do more to save the planet than anything else. It all begins with individual enlightenment followed by collective enlightenment culminating in planetary transformation. Once you truly get behind Aloha, a whole lot of other people will, as well.

ALOHA!

real sex definition
Feb 09

Real Sex Is Forever

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

You have ravished my heart,
My sister, my spouse;
You have ravished my heart
With one look of your eyes,
With one link of your necklace.

How fair is your love,
My sister my spouse!
How much better than wine your love,
And the scent of your perfumes
Than all spices!

~ Song of Solomon

Have you ever wondered why, on Valentine’s Day, every husband, boyfriend or lover makes haste to buy his sweetheart red roses, wine and a Valentine? While never a national holiday, and not usually thought of as a religious holiday, it is scrupulously observed in the United States. This is because every woman cherishes in her heart that she is the only woman for her man or would-be lover.

It is ironic that this is actually a sacred holiday celebrating a Roman martyr named Saint Valentine who healed a young lady of blindness right before his execution. He consoled her with flowers and a tender message, the world’s first “Valentine.”

Ever since the troubadours of the late Middle Ages and the Virgin Mary cult of the Roman Catholic Church, romantic love and sex has been regarded as sacred. The expression of romantic, passionate love is, for most of us, the greatest realization of God this side of heaven. It would be supremely ironic if the Church, with all its prudishness and stubborn insistence on committed love, was actually helping us fulfill our ultimate destiny.

Real Sex Worth Any Price

Real sex is the ultimate dance between a man and a woman, what sex is all about. It need not result in giving birth to a child. Communion, union and merging with another human being is the ultimate gift of life, profoundly spiritual in nature. Real sex, like true love, is forever.

You may be busy going to school, building your career or accumulating money so that eventually you can have a “life.” That is all well and good in its time. However, what if, in the process, you miss the one from whom you are building all this for? She is your dream lady, the woman of destiny. You know it in the eyes, you know it in seconds. Your energy goes straight to your heart even before you have thought up a clever line.

romance

Asking her out may not be in any way convenient when you first encounter her. You might even find yourself flat broke. It doesn’t matter. Only tell the truth.

One evening holding her hands in a stroll is worth any number of nights out on the town. You feel awkward. You feel vulnerable. So much the better! The right woman will fall for that every time.

Real Sex Endlessly Fascinating

You may rationalize that variety is the spice of life. You need to date dozens of women to know what you really want. “Familiarity breeds contempt.” You always want an extra lady or two on the wing! You don’t want to risk being utterly bored…do you?

If you find yourself bored, then you have found the wrong woman. Have you ever looked at films of Marilyn Monroe being interviewed? Marilyn could come up with a hundred looks in just a couple of minutes. It is truly amazing! (I’ve gazed at certain women for hours without being accused of lechery.) If you can’t get enough of a certain woman, you are moving in the right direction.

Imagine if the act of love was a total act of communication every single time, an exquisite dance where the woman talked to you with more than her lips, and you really listened? Not only did she make you feel like a million dollars, she opened you up to a new world. Around her you become a new man. You have the irrepressible feeling of being BORN AGAIN.

Sex, Itself, the Tip of the Iceberg

Is sex in and of itself what you really want? If you look closely at it, sex is the ultimate expression of love, of really letting go, of literally getting into someone very special. While sex is the thing you can most easily point to, like the tip of the iceberg, it is what is underneath that makes it all worthwhile.

right partner

Sex is the beginning of starting a new life together, where you find the woman much wiser than you, with a keen instinct to help you grow, become your truest self and thereby prosper in the world. Women play all kinds of games only when they feel compelled to compromise. A woman is a man’s ultimate booster and guaranteed recourse in the innumerable reversals of life.

The iceberg is your life together. “We” and “Us” are actually a unique third-person that emerges from the two of you. In a good couple, you see a profound sense of well-being together that blesses everyone they encounter. A deep, committed relationship sealed with true love and real sex is empowering to the entire community.

No Sex Better Than Empty Sex

You may be of the opinion that any sex is better than no sex at all. You might consider Woody Allen’s joke, “What’s wrong with masturbation? At least it’s with someone I love.” If you don’t really love the woman, and, worse yet, you find her unattractive in the morning, what have you accomplished?

Why make it all the harder to find your true love? Why not appreciate all the women in your life and be good friends with any number of them? What’s wrong with just friendship? Give yourself enough time, and you will find out that, from a human standpoint, nothing is more important than friendships.

real love

The woman you really want loves men who are choosy, men who will not settle for just any woman. You know that kind of woman I am talking about. She may not be an actual beauty queen or starlet, but she is absolutely stunning. Her eyes, her lips, her voice make you melt. You are smitten with her in seconds flat. You really wonder from what planet she came to grace this earth. Then let her grace your life.

Real Sex Worth Any Wait

You may know what it feels like to pass a Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year’s Eve alone. Maybe you are fortunate enough to make it to a single’s party. Yet it is never enough! It is no fun being single when you could easily find a date by compromising your values, your principles, your future.

I remember reading about professional models, the stunning young women who grace the pages of Vogue Magazine. They come out of the Ford Modeling agency and a handful of others, living in L.A. and New York. There are only 300 or so of them working full-time in the whole country.

These ladies live like monks with ultimate discipline in their exercise, their diet and how they spend every minute of their working day. They give everything to their short-lived career. When one of them hits the cover, you need not guess at how she will respond when asked if it was worth it all.

Real sex, sex with true love, is worth any price and any amount of time waiting. If you have to meet 10,000 women, let it be. Real sex is endless fascinating and so fulfilling that one night could last you a lifetime. The right one will never cease to enthrall you. As you build a life together, you will become utterly transformed.

If it takes forever, I will wait for you
For a thousand summers, I will wait for you
Till you're back beside me, till I'm holding you
Till I hear you sigh here in my arms

~Andy Williams

conscious dating
Nov 17

How to Date a Conscious Woman

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

You may have recently gone to a singles bar, only to find it a total waste of time. All the women had attitudes, and were solely concerned with the job you have, the car you drive or the house you don’t have.

You long to drop into a Starbuck’s in a college town and meet young ladies who aren’t totally jaded. Conscious women who are attractive, sensitive, open, intelligent and cultivated… women who are feminine, not bra-busters.

Have you ever considered the possibility of there being a vast number of conscious women in the larger world, only you don’t see them, and they don’t see you?

Maybe you should start by being more conscious yourself!

Wake Up!

You may have had any number of satori’s when you were younger. But now, you seem out of touch. Your monkey mind has got the best of you. You need a refresher course. What you once knew, but forgot, won’t help you today.

Complacency won’t serve you, and excuses will never truly empower you. You want to live more consciously, and you want to get a life… especially a love life. You don’t meet that many people in your software job, and you have settled into a dull routine that keeps you isolated.

Time for a break. Assume responsibility for yourself and your world. In every scenario, you have something to do with what is happening. You can go out and meet new people, no matter how busy you may be. You can enroll in a consciousness workshop, perhaps Vipasana Meditation, Vinyasa Yoga or a Mystery School. You may be delightfully surprised to meet a whole lot more women than men.

Watch and Listen

Women are giving signals all day long; yet only a fraction of the men pick up on a single one of them. Body language has been cocktail conversation for years; yet so few men master it and systematically apply it. You can get started by simply noticing open positions and closed positions all day long. Open arms or crossed arms. Head up or head down. It will all come back to you.

Women like to talk forever, but precious few men really listen. Even fewer men do what’s harder still… offer deep listening. You clear your head of junk. You are totally present. Not only do you listen to her every word, but you listen behind the words to the inner meaning. You don’t anticipate. You stay steadily focused on the present moment.

conscious women

When you both watch and listen, you will automatically begin picking up on a whole lot more women, conscious or unconscious, and the truly conscious women will quickly find an excuse to hang around you. This is so much fun, you might even consider an interpersonal communications course with mirroring exercises.

Go Where Conscious Women Go

Conscious women enjoy a rich inner life. They go to places that support that, whether an art gallery, a dance performance, a music recital or a live play. They are both active and reflective. They don’t cling to men, but they are extremely open to any man who is responsive. They enjoy spending time with gentlemen.

Who is into psychology, philosophy and mysticism? Mostly women. They attend classes as students, or in continuing studies, in colleges and universities, even community colleges. They follow gurus, go to workshops, visit bookstores and libraries. In brief, stay intellectually alive and engaged with the world. Today, you find more women than men studying to be attorneys and medical doctors. Is this all an accident?

The woman might make a lot more money than you, be busier than you, have more degrees or even be better travelled than you. That doesn’t mean she is not attractive, appreciate a man or value you for what you are, as opposed to what you think you have. You can meet conscious women in corporate board rooms, or as baristas at Starbuck’s. The choice is yours!

What Is Our Highest Possibility Together?

Occasionally, life will throw gorgeous women at you in a golden opportunity where you literally cannot lose. Has this never happened to you that you booked an airline ticket and ended up sitting next to a beautiful young lady who just happened to be single, and was talkative to boot?

If there are no accidents, then every attractive lady you encounter offers a new possibility. You are, in fact, related to everyone and everything in your life. Buddha insisted on recognizing the highest possibility in this life of every single person he met. Why can’t you do the same?

listening to woman

As you meet a lady, however casually, ask yourself what possibility you may have together. The form of the relationship may not matter as much as you think. It is the experience of being together. Women consistently maintain that what they most appreciate in a man is how he makes her feel about herself.

“Let’s Just Be Friends!”

There was a time when I felt these words were the kiss of death! How far this is from getting laid, going to bed, finding a lover! However, it may not be as far as you think. What is the valence between you two, the push and pull? If there is energy between you, it could get interesting.

When you think about it, friendship is what you really want. You want a woman who can be a constant companion through life. The sex, romance and intimacy are all the icing and sparklers on the chocolate cake. I am well acquainted with romantic and game-playing love styles. I have even been in relationship with a woman who viewed love transactionally. Yet, at the bottom of it all, what really mattered was the friendship.

If a woman ever tells you, “Let’s just be friends,” respond with, “What a great idea! Let’s just be friends.” Most likely this will totally disarm her. She will be delighted with your response. However, if there is real energy between you both, the chances are she will eventually want more.

All You Need Do Is “Simply Love Her”

In the movie, Camelot, King Arthur counsels one of his knights on how to make a damsel fall in love. The legendary king keeps singing, “Love her. Simply love her.” As corny as this sounds, it happens to be true. Just love the woman you love. Love her, not just for her body, but for Who she is. Recognize her divinity, recognize her as a goddess.

loving woman

Many men have a block around telling a woman they love her. What is even harder it to truly love her, to put her interests way ahead of your own, to truly care for her. Love is a continuum from raw lust to divine love. If you love a woman in any way, go ahead and love her, and let that love grow and expand. Love ultimately is a spiritual force. In that, you cannot lose.

Of course, the woman of your dreams may be in a committed relationship with another man. You continue to love her in whatever form is appropriate. Your love for her will attract other women to you. Then again, things might change for her. You never know. Just be true to your own heart.

Tough and Tender: Are You Man Enough?

What women all seem to suggest is that they are total pushovers for men who are both tough and tender. Men who are either outwardly or inwardly strong, and yet soft and tender inside. Just think of the first time Elvis Presley sang “Love me tender.” And he gladly went into the Army and did his tour.

You need not be muscle-bound, you can have an inner strength that comes from vision, passion and commitment. You know who you are, you know what you want and you are here to make a difference. You could be a French sous-chef in a five-star restaurant. It doesn’t matter. You are you own man. You don’t need to prove a thing.

The fastest way to be tough and tender is to be totally human with a woman, and yet have faith. You are here for a purpose. You are supremely lucky to have met her. This is the best possible world to chase our dreams. Darling, why don’t you join me?

More to Chemistry Than You Think!

Women are conscious on more than one level. Chemistry between lovers works on more than one level. It is not just the biological clock. Our body, our heart, our mind and our spirit all respond to the right vibrational key.

Watch and listen to conscious women. The game is worth the candle, whatever the outcome. I can think of no higher honor than to be the Greatest Lover. Whether Romeo or Jesus, to be a world-class lover places you in the best possible company.

anger management symptoms
Jun 09

The Gift of Anger

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

In all the world’s literature, secular or sacred, conflict is the most essential element, usually ignited by anger. Without conflict you quite simply have no story. Thus, all the great epics, such as Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey and India’s Ramayana and Mahabharata, revolve around continuing conflict, involving danger and death, accompanied by fear and anger.

And the Jews' passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves,and the changers of money sitting:

And when he had made a scourge of small cords,

he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen;

and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables;

And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence;

make not my Father's house an house of merchandise.

And his disciples remembered that it was written,The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up.

Jesus Christ in the Gospel of John

Conflict is even essential in comedy, where it may not always become violent. Anger is an indispensible component, typically based upon misunderstandings that eventually get sorted out. When the fairy tales assure us that the heroic couple lives “happily ever after,” they usually leave out anger management. As Joseph Campbell, who dearly loved his younger wife, Jean Erdman, put it, “Marriage is an ordeal!”

Why We Get Angry

If the truth be told, anger simply happens. Watch little children together, even at play. They will have disputes and start pushing or even biting each other.

We, as adults, go about it more smoothly. We hide or suppress our anger; whereas children quickly forgive and make up. Anger just happens, but we almost always attribute it to someone or something.

We all have expectations, as we are rational creatures with acute imaginations. We quickly get a sense of entitlement and start insisting on certain outcomes based on past experience. When they are blocked, we get frustrated and flare up. We are not content with the basics of food, water, shelter and clothing. We require so much more.

Western religions point to our “sin” nature, our innate tendency to rebel against our Creator. From an Eastern perspective, our false sense of self makes us insist that we are confined within this bag of skin and bones, rather than realizing that we are the whole of life, the whole of creation.​

Anger as a Blessing

We all admire, and often emulate, fictional characters who keep their cool under all circumstances, such as the many incarnations of James Bond. James has the aplomb to make love to a beautiful counter-agent just before being thrown out of a fast-moving airplane. These make-believe characters seem so professional, powerful and totally together.

anger management technique

Yet anger can actually be a positive force in the face of systematic exploitation, or as Pope Francis I put it, “structural evil.” We disempower ourselves when we pretend that it is all cool when the very ground is falling out from under us.

If our species had been without the fight or flight response, we would never have made it out of the trees. This is the automatic response of fear or anger where we decide to take on the lioness, or run for our lives right back up the tree.

Few Americans were thrilled with the results of the 2016 Presidential election. It seemed nobody got what they really wanted, and the candidates with heart got eliminated in the primaries. The attendant shock and dismay of the public led many Americans to actively protest and seek to change the political system in more fundamental ways than had ever been contemplated. This would not be possible if everyone maintained a “grin-and-bear it” attitude.

How Anger Utterly Transformed Three of the Greatest Men

When we think of saints and sages, let alone avatars, bodhisattvas and messiahs, we think of infinitely pure beings who have transcended their egos, given up all attachments and do nothing but radiate bliss 24-hours a day. Jesus is the “meek and mild” shepherd, Gandhi is the playful grandfather who gives candy to children and Mandela is the ultimate diplomat who brings black and white people together in a World Cup love fest.

It wasn’t always that way!​

1.  Jesus of Nazareth

Before Jesus threw the moneychangers out of the temple, he had called the Pharisees, the most visibly religious members of His society “whitewashed tombs that look beautiful on the outside, but are inwardly filled with dead men’s bones.” A powerful young man in the prime of His life, Jesus spoke in metaphors and was gifted in shocking people out of their complacency. He was anything but thrilled with the status quo.

2.  Mahatma Gandhi

Gandhi’s grandson, Dr. Arun Gandhi, recently wrote a book, The Gift of Anger, based on the early guidance of the Mahatma, when Arun came to Gandhi’s ashram as a child. When Arun would get angry, Gandhi did not try to punish him, but to encourage him to channel his anger in a positive way, just as Gandhi did as a young man when thrown out of the train in South Africa solely on the basis of the color of his skin. Don’t fight the people, fight the oppressive system. Love the perpetrators; hate the system, itself.

3.  Nelson Mandela

Madiba Mandela started out life as a tribal chieftain with a good education, prepared to play a positive role in society. However, he couldn’t accept the arbitrary nature of Apartheid, and the indignity that Black Africans suffered in a deeply segregated South Africa. Mandela got involved in the terrorist wing of the African National Congress and was convicted of a car bomb that killed 19 people. For that, Mandela was sentenced for 27 years to an offshore prison breaking stones. Mandela gradually faced his dark side, and developed compassion for the ruling Afrikaans as people. He finally realized the evil was with the system, itself, that ultimately served neither whites nor blacks.

anger inside out

Forgiveness the Flip Side of Anger

Forgiveness is the capstone of Christianity, as Christ taught his students in the Sermon on the Mount to forgive their enemies. Anger is part of life, but we are to let go of our anger before the sun sets and reconcile ourselves with our offender. This wasn’t simply an empty platitude on Christ’s part. When He was tried in the Sanhedrin, He refused to defend Himself. Even on the cross, He prayed that His Father would forgive the very Pharisees who mocked Him for they know not what they do.”

It is no sin to get upset and angry. It is, however, self-defeating to nurture it and cherish a grudge. Modern medical and psychiatric studies reveal how an unwillingness to forgive is behind many dysfunctions and diseases, such as cancer. Sustained anger is its own “reward,” it devours the body! Consider anger much like pain. It alerts you to needed changes, but it is counterproductive when it persists.

It is no sin to get upset and angry. It is, however, self-defeating to nurture it and cherish a grudge.

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When Christ forgave his enemies, He revealed a powerful insight: They literally didn’t know what they were doing. We are all at various stages of being conscious, and when we are totally unconscious, we end up doing stupid and hurtful things.

Punishing these people for that is inappropriate. We are to have compassion, and see ourselves in them. We would say and do the very same things at their level of consciousness.

Communication Always the Way Out

With anger management, communication is the foundation, especially in intimate relationships. We literally don’t hear each other. When we pretend to listen, we too often compare and contrast and interpret what she says, rather letting her speak for herself. In addition, we often interrupt her or even talk over her.

anger management tips

Werner Erhard revealed the power of sharing withholds. Conflict most often starts out of what is NOT said, what we are unwilling to share with our partner. This typically results in smoldering resentment. Werner taught people in his seminars to HAVE their anger, rather than BE their anger.

If you get your head out of the way, you will find that your upset is often gone in a flash.

Over the years, I have tested out Werner’s insights and realized that he was totally on the mark when he disclosed that love is a function of communication. As he put it, when you have said it all, both the good and the bad, you will find that what you have really been withholding is: I LOVE YOU! Deep listening is the most fulfilling possible price to pay for the love that is just waiting inside you.

Never Put a Person Out of Your Heart

Baba Ram Dass served as a missionary from the East to an entire generation of Westerners, having dropped out as a professor at Harvard through his preoccupation with psychedellics. He traveled to India in search of the truth and stumbled upon Maharaji (Neem Karoli Baba), a spiritual master with very advanced psychic ability and siddhis (inner powers). Ram Dass fell in love with Maharaji when spoke about Ram Dass’s mother.

anger through love

While Ram Das went through his initiation at the foothills of the Himalayas, Maharaji happened to do something that deeply offended Ram Dass’s standards of right and wrong. Maharaji had harshly fired one of his assistants for making what Ram Dass felt were very minor mistakes. If Maharaji were really the enlightened man everyone says he was, he would never do such a thing.

When Ram Dass eventually confronted his master, he received no apology. Ram Dass then and there had to choose between upholding his standards over a trivial incident, or forgiving the person he loved most in the entire world. It was no contest. Then Maharaji called Ram Dass over to his private quarters with good humor and admonished him that, yes, he can get angry, but never put a person out of his heart.

We can have anger AND love. One doesn’t necessarily cancel out the other.

Far More Loving Than You Ever Imagined

The most important person I have ever met, the woman I have been in love with for nearly 20 years, has often argued with me, and I with her. I can’t count all the times that we have been angry about one thing or another. Looking back it couldn’t matter less. We love each other very deeply. This love has grown over the years. We live within a context where you can love one another and still get angry.

We have gotten a whole lot more skillful with our anger. I am beginning to learn that she is almost always right, and I am getting more than a little tired of my own stupidity. So, I would say that we are making progress.

But what about the truly difficult people, such as President Donald Trump? Where does anger management apply to someone like him? Whether I voted for him or not, he is still the American President. I can hate what he does, and yet still love him. As Voltaire put it, “I may not agree with a word you say, but I will defend to death your right to say it!”

We can actually be thankful for the difficult people of every persuasion. They stretch us spiritually and take us to the edge of enlightenment and sainthood. Christ made no conditions on forgiveness. Why should we? We can continually bless people every morning and evening and realize that the divine love that emerges from this exercise is the most powerful force in the entire Universe.

We can even forgive our own folly along the way. The final gift will be to realize that WHO WE ALL REALLY ARE, our very essence, is ABSOLUTE LOVE.

being cool
May 03

How To Be Super Cool Without Even Trying

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

Once upon a time, a TV commercial featured a pilot flying into a hurricane until he reaches the eye, the ultracalm center of the storm. The pilot then reaches for his pack and lights up to take a break.

You have seen the matador bowing to the adulation of the spectators in the bullring, facing a restless bull, armed only with a red cape and a carefully hidden sword. The matador teases the baited bull into rushing towards him, only to turn away at the perfect moment. He knows it will be either him or the bull, but he dances throughout the spectacle, celebrating the magnificence of life.​

The great American novelist called this “machismo.” We may simply call it grace under pressure.​

Being Cool is Grace Under Pressure

When we are passing from childhood to adulthood, we pass through that wonderfully awkward stage of being a teenager. We find that we are neither children nor adults. We are beginning to discover that our parents are fallible, that they don’t know everything. For the time being, we can’t totally relate to any adult, or any child. We can only relate to our peers.

In high school, we usually find one or two teens, both male and female, who are supercool. They seem as poised as any adult and can think for themselves, as spokespeople for the next generation. Even though they are talented brains, football stars or beauty queens, they are generally nice people. All the kids like them, and see them as their exemplars.​

How To BE LIKABLE

Learn more about likability factor...

Like John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in the movie, Grease, they show grace under pressure. They are too busy building their own lives to waste much time complaining about anything. They have unshakable faith that everything will work out, and they don’t shrink from occupying the spotlight. How we wish we had their secret!

The secret to being cool is… knowing how to BE and deal with / or under pressure… at any give time… in the most graceful way possible.

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Knowing Who You Are and What You Want

It all starts with knowing who you are, and what you want. You may be a Jennifer Lawrence, discovered at any early age, who made Hunger Games so memorable. At 26, Jennifer won Best Actress and earned $50 million in a single year. While no doubt she had many breaks, and had an exceptional combination of beauty and talent, most likely Jennifer knew early on that all she ever wanted to be was an actress.

being cool meaning

For most of us, this takes a bit longer. Getting a college degree for 20-somethings today can take nearly a decade. Instead of driving a taxi, you may work at Starbuck’s and survive on tips. You have some interests, some favorite classes and some vision of a professional role, but it takes considerable effort for it all to come together.

There are causes that you care deeply about, not the least of which is Saving the Planet. You may not like the way adults are calling the shots, but you feel relatively powerless to do anything about it. You overlook the fact that people can go now globally viral in just a few days via Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or any other social network.​

Cool Comes with Discovering Your Destiny and Getting On with It

Whenever you step back in your life and take in the larger picture, you capture a deep feeling for why you might be here and how you can serve others. It might be biking in the hills over the weekend, with a gorgeous forest surrounding you and an enchanted sky. Something needs doing in the world, and you were put here to move this vision along. Richard Bolles’ What Color Is Your Parachute? can get you started.

In the book, Richard suggests that you study your values, interests, preferences and achievements to get a clearer and clearer take on your mission. When you discover your passion in life, you then interview people who share that passion for information. Your focus is on looking and listening and asking questions.​

how to be cool

One interview leads to the next, and then a pattern emerges. You even discover job opportunities along the way. You begin to feel a role shaping up that you can uniquely occupy. You become increasingly intent on serving, and eventually you get invited in to make a difference.

The more that happens, the more people will be drawn to you, finding you irresistible.​

Psychology of Attraction

Learn how to be cool and likable!

Living Totally in the Present

When you live in the present, you are rarely in your head. Your senses are sharpened. You notice the details of people and things all around you. Your attention is not on yourself, but on them.

You are not caught up in comparing yourself with others, with all the men smarter or richer than you, or all the women more beautiful and accomplished than you. You find your satisfaction in just BEING.

As so few people in our contemporary society spend their time in the Eternal Now Moment, you will stand out as a potential star. You will cultivate your social skills, because you will be more present to interact with others. When you goof up, you slightly blush, laugh it off and join in with others.

Living in the present also means that you are passionate about your mission and values, but you are also not excessively attached to your agenda. You are focused on a higher purpose, and that is most definitely NOT about looking good. Sure, you groom and pay attention to what you wear, but you look much better when you are not caught up pretending to be somebody else.​

Being present and thinking different... are the two major contributors to being cool.​

Cherishing Everyone You Meet

Supercool people genuinely love others. They have nothing to prove, as their life is not about them, but about their vision. They are determined to do whatever they can to bring heaven and earth together. They are simultaneously strong and vulnerable. They are totally willing to both give and receive. Part of loving is to let yourself BE loved.

love different cool beings

True, cherishing people truly requires a transformation. However, any teenager is a prime candidate for falling totally in love. This early romance is a prerequisite to loving the Supreme Bing (God), and to loving everyone else. We are all interlinked. We all share the same energy source.

Supercool people follow the example of the Dalai Lama. They can deeply relate to anyone, young or old, regardless of their race, religion, bank account or dress. Their sense of Self keeps expanding outward to include larger and larger circles, until it engulfs the entire world.​

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Cool Begins with Seeing the Highest Potential in Everyone

Transformational masters insist on being surrounded only by magnificent people. This is not because they are hung up on who are the right people. It is rather that they make whoever interacts with them right.

This is totally in line with the Buddha, who repeatedly saw the highest potential of each of his disciples in this incarnation. Christ took Peter, a simple fisherman in a corner of the Roman Empire, and taught him how to fish people, thereby changing the world, and creating the world’s largest religion.

You can begin to become a master by treasuring everyone in your life, seeing their hidden talents, and appreciating all their positive traits, whether it is in creating a digital canvas, or planting trees in a vacant lot to counter global warming.​

The truth is that each of us IS magnificent. It is just that we spend most of our life pretending that we are NOT.

If you find a young man or woman, and give them life direction and a global vision, you will be regarded by them as supercool. They will never forget this. Your task then will be helping them give yet others a life direction and a global vision.

If you think you are not up this, ask again. You wouldn’t be reading these lines unless you were called to make a difference. You ARE super cool, despite all your protestations to the contrary.​

sharing supercool

Keeping Cool is Keeping the Faith – No Matter What

Once you connect with your commitment to make a difference in this world, once you invoke the Divine Presence in your life, you will keep the faith. As a part of this, you might then wish to build your social skills.

You might find the course, Psychology of Attraction and Likability, delightful and deeply insightful in understanding people on a slightly deeper level. The instructor, Dr. Andrew Luttrell, has taught 17,000 students, and informs the video discussions with the latest insights from experimental psychology.​

Andrew takes a factual, no-frills approach. He helps you better understand the dynamics of interaction, but leaves it up to you how best to apply these insights.

Building a career in professional sales and marketing, I found my earlier study of social psychology immensely helpful in arriving at the place of intuitively interacting with people of every descript as their friend. Most certainly, this course could support one of your prime objectives. Check it out.​

Beef Up Your Likability

You can never have too much of it...!

marriage separation advice
Mar 01

What To Do When Marriage Separation Is Not An Option

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

Somewhere beyond right and wrong, there is a garden.

I will meet you there.

Jalaluddin Rumi

You may have had a couple of nasty run-ins with your husband lately, and bristled with a feeling of being deeply unappreciated. It has all become so routine, even boring. The children demand so much of your time. Things are no longer lovey-dovey between you two anymore, even though you treat each other civilly.

You are very concerned as to the direction your marriage is headed. You may secretly be wondering what he is doing with all his spare time. Yet you lack sufficient grounds for a major confrontation.

Is this as good as it gets?

Why 50% of Marriages Today End Up in Divorce

In ancient days, wedding vows had teeth in them. Your parents were actively involved in the selection of your mate. Your whole community came to your wedding. You solemnly vowed to accept your bride or groom for better or worse. You had the backup of a large, extended family, plus church, synagogue or mosque. Everyone was rooting for you.

Today, most marriages are “love” marriages, driven by sexual passion, infatuation or genuine romance. Many marriages are initiated shortly after college. There is a minimum of civil and religious support. Wedding vows are often much looser. You don’t always have to answer to God in the wedding ceremony. It is all so much easier, and so much less satisfying.​

separation

Let’s look at divorce stats in the U.S. alone: 41% of first time marriages end in divorce; then 60% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in divorce. Wild!

Add onto this a general decline in real wages, a vastly accelerated pace of life and a continual barrage of digital media. You hardly ever have a chance to even breathe, to search your soul.

More and more, each partner is primarily looking for what he or she can get. This can easily degenerate into infidelity, physical or verbal abuse and substance abuse.​

Marriage Is a 100% / 100% Proposition

Most people who get married are quite reasonable. After all, they had enough integrity to commit to a life partner, and they mustered up the courage to totally believe in another person. No one walks into a civil or religious marriage with the intent of divorce.

We are all inclined to respect and work toward a 50 / 50 proposition. I do my part, and you do your part. I have my role, and you have your role, and we split the proceeds. If I am a good husband to you, then if things go wrong, it must be all your fault. Surely, I can’t control your thoughts and emotions. So sorry!

Enlightened masters remind us that relationships are always a 100% / 100% proposition. In your universe, you are 100% responsible for what happens. Everything your wife says and does to you. No pointing fingers. Just look into the mirror. Your wife, also, has the same 100% responsibility. In her universe, everything you think, say and do, SHE CAUSES.

In your universe, you are responsible for everything you think, say or do. You caused it. Take responsibility. Don’t blame others.

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You may scoff at such mystical expansiveness, but then, again, do you want to kiss off the possibility of a miraculous life and relationship?

Your Mate Is Worth Fighting For

If you were genuinely in love with your husband when you got engaged and went through the marriage ceremony, why should he suddenly become a monster now?

You may have even raised children together, and in the face of an empty nest, he has gradually grown aloof and cold. Surely it is all his fault! There couldn’t possibly have been anything you said that alienated him. Not you!

marriage separation begins

Very often, we are passive-aggressive. We are not very forthright about what we want and need. We shrink from being assertive. We may even doubt that our communication skills are all that clean. It is so easy to slip into sarcasm, and always criticism. So many women forget that what a man wants most from a woman is for her to truly believe in him.

When you fight to revitalize, or even save your marriage, that is actually an expression of love on your part. Very often, your spouse will get it. If she is THE ONE for you, you would be crazy to see her develop active interest in another man, no matter how young, handsome and rich he may be. Originally, there was something so compelling about you, something that made her fall in love with you.

Has it forever disappeared, or is it perhaps hidden in layer after layer of withheld communication?​

When Marriage Separation Actually Works

From time to time, in relationships and marriages, space is needed for both man and woman to sort out their feelings and identify what is truly important to them. Today, both men and women have careers. Both parents are typically involved in raising their children. Both men and women feel a keen deficit in both time and money.

When was the last time you had a rip-roaring vacation together?​

getting back together

When you both sense a real appreciation for one another, but can’t find peace, due to children, career pressures or a stretched budget, it might make sense to spend a few days or weeks apart, while keeping in close touch with each other. Many writers love to go to a cabin in the forest to work on their next book. This may not be their wives’ thing, or the wives are straddled with taking care of the kids.

Often times, when couples try to patch things up, things actually get worse, as they viciously nag each other, and defend their own view point.

What is required is deep listening, which you might get with a marriage counselor, or by spending quality time alone. Whenever I have an argument with my partner, I think about what she said afterwards. I usually realize that she was right.

How to Create a Marriage Made in Heaven

A marriage made in heaven IS made in heaven. When you, as a couple, give the spiritual dimension primacy in your lives, a hidden force emerges that transforms your relationship. When you conform to the guidance of Higher Power, you most often want to give your spouse every benefit of the doubt. You love Divine Being through her, just as she sees Divine Being in you.

This way… your respect for each other continuously grows… and love becomes deeply rooted.

Your relationship becomes about much more than your career, your kids and your bank account. Your relationship is about making a difference in the world, extending the light to everyone. When you awaken to your only True and Ultimate Self, you find an infinite source of love spilling over to your spouse. That very same love can bounce back and forth between the two of you, such that you have a superabundance to offer to the world.

avoid separation

A conscious life, and a conscious relationship start with putting first things first. As Jesus Christ put it early in His ministry: Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things shall be added unto you. Whatever form your devotion and practice takes, it will quadruple its power when shared with your mate.

Bring Back Marital Bliss… Starting Today!

If you are like me, you want to gain a broad overview of what is happening in your marriage. While you might seek out a therapist, you probably want to very discretely seek the advice of relationship guru online, such as Amy Waterman, who has helped over 6,000 couples stay together in a transformed relationship.

You don’t want to spend a ton of money upfront. You want to carefully think it through and get some initial feedback.

Amy has a reputation for being exceptionally empathetic with both men and women. People are impressed that she is a born relationship healer. She started by saving her best friend’s marriage, and ended up creating dozens of action points and exercises that could apply to anyone. She also learned to work with people one step at a time without overloading them.

Amy has created a complete online course, Save My Marriage Today, with a comprehensive manual, breaking down all the steps you need to revitalize your marriage. She includes options for personal consultation, and adds bonus material, such as what to do in a full-blown marriage crisis. Her price is ridiculously affordable, and she backs it all up with a 60-day written guarantee. (Although hardly anyone asks for the refund).

Why not take a simple step today to bring your husband and wife closer to you. Chances are that he or she will immediately detect a difference in you. After all, it is very hard to fight off true love!

love forever explanation
Feb 13

Can You Fall in Love Forever?

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

Some enchanted evening

You may see a stranger,

You may see a stranger

Across a crowded room

And somehow you know,

You know even then

That somewhere you'll see her

Again and again.

Who can explain it?

Who can tell you why?

Fools give you reasons,

Wise men never try.

Oscar Hammerstein, South Pacific

Have you ever wondered why Valentine’s Day is so obligatory in American society? It is not really a national or religious holiday, and you get no day off. However, woe to the chump who forgets to give his wife or lover a card, bouquet of roses, box of chocolates and bottle of wine on February the Fourteenth!

It should come as no surprise to those who realize that the true religion of Hollywood and Broadway is neither sex, nor guns, nor money. It is “Love, sweet Love.” Love sells, because it is what, at bottom, we most want.​

Why NOT Love at First Sight?

The Beatles asked us all in the Sergeant Pepper’s album, “Do you believe in love at first sight?” and they promptly answered, “Yes, I know that it happens all the time.” This is what the cynics among us least want to hear, those of us who have been totally disillusioned from all our romantic missteps.

Joseph Campbell, in his masterpiece TV series, Power of Myth, alerted his audience that it all starts with the eyes. For in the eyes man gazes into a woman’s soul. He maintained that only in the Renaissance among the troubadours did romantic love began, for this love was the union of one person with another, irrespective of his or her social station.

I, myself, have experienced love at first sight, not only infatuation, of which I am maximally culpable, but true love. The last time was the right time in my life, and I resolved to never, ever give up. This reminds me of a friend who earlier chided me, “You just haven’t met the right one!” Oh, yes, I did.​

Whoever Said True Love Is Not Eternal?

I know all the arguments that love is really an economic proposition, or a matter of convenience. I also know, and have fallen from time to time into the various love styles: game player, romantic and best friend. I know that appearance counts. Money counts. Youth counts. Yet, there is still something more!

eternal love

If you take the time to closely read Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene I, you will hear the very lines that made this play immortal. Juliet confides:​

My bounty is as boundless as the sea

My love as deep—the more I give to thee

The more I have, for both are infinite.

Juliet

Romeo and Juliet became the fictional lovers of all time, because their passionate sentiments are universal. When you find true love, it can never really die. Even unrequited love need not forever remain so.

No one, but no one, can long resistance unconditional love, a love that cannot even imagine giving up on its object.

From Arranged Marriage to Love Marriage

America impetuously began the experiment that defined the modern age with its revolution against Great Britain. It enshrined democracy and defended capitalism in the name of pursuing your own individual happiness. The original 13 colonies not only won the war of independence, but they succeeded in going viral with their dreams and ideals.

Increasingly, the world has moved from a system of arranged marriage to love marriage. Originally, marriage was strictly an affair between families, and the bride and groom were mere pawns in the families’ various social, economic and political objectives. Romantic love as we think of it today was merely a dream, a fantasy.​

romantic love

In the 20th century, Hollywood and New York, with their steady stream of plays, movies and music altered the vision of the world. No marriage that was not sanctified by romantic love quite fit. It is most noteworthy that King Edward abdicated the thrown of England, the most powerful country in the world at that time, to marry a twice-divorced American lady, Wallis Simpson.​

The Eternal Triangle of Love, Sex and Romance

Napoleon Hill, in his intriguing chapter on “The Mystery of Sex Transmutation” in Think and Grow Rich pointed out back in the late 1930’s that no marriage without both love and sexual chemistry could provide lasting fulfillment.

He shrewdly observed that sex was the most powerful motivational force in the human psyche, but needed the temperance of love. Sex, he noted, is biological, but love is spiritual.

Napoleon went on to suggest that romance set a couple on fire to do great things. It is the missing ingredient in a magical relationship. Romance, he attributed to imagination. Two people united as one can share a common dream, a common vision that makes everything a labor of love.

After exhaustive biographical studies and countless interviews, Napoleon finally went on to declare that no man throughout history of exceptional achievement has not been motivated by his inherent desire to please a woman. Without his appearing great in the eyes of his beloved, massive amounts of wealth would seem useless.​

It Helps to Be Romantic

The first step in capitalizing on these insights is to no longer put down love and romance. You can dream the impossible dream, and raise the bar of your expectations.

Over half of American marriages end in divorce. So you might as well raise the bar and go for the woman who puts fire into your soul. Gaze into her eyes, relish her femininity. Really listen to her.

forever love

When you realize that life is a sacred gift, a celebration of divine love, a gorgeous dream, you can choose to go for what is most important in life. Never take your woman or man for granted. Like him or her. Care for him or her. If he or she is THE ONE, go for it no matter the consequences.

If you are living a sham, then reach higher, and stop compromising your dreams. Valentine’s Day is our time to revisit the very fountain of our lives. Love poetry, flowers and music. Take a trip to Venice, or any place that really does it for you. Time is your true equity in life!

The True Story of Saint Valentine

The final secret lies in the realization that romantic love is our fastest way to know and love God. If you can only find the Supreme Being through a man or woman, then go find that man or woman! Romance’s ultimate objective is the divine, to live miraculously, and through that process discover eternal life.

Valentine’s Day is a tribute to the Christian Martyr, Saint Valentinus, who was utterly committed to marrying Roman soldiers, putting love before death, consecrating their lives to universal love. He succeeded in converting many patricians, those of the upper class, touching Caesar’s household. He developed an affection for the daughter of a prominent Roman, who suffered blindness.​

When Saint Valentinus pushed his luck too far, he crossed Caesar and was swiftly sentenced to being beheaded. Before he was officially executed, he wrote a letter of consolation to the young blind lady, along with a yellow crocus flower. In the wake of his death, the lady was healed and became a leading saint. A friend of mine, Sheridan Tatsuno, has written a delightful novelette on this story, called Valentine.​

When Love Is Divine, Reach for the Stars!

The ultimate secret to falling in love forever is to make your relationship about something greater than yourselves. Contribution on any issue on a planetary scale might be a good place to start.

When a couple unite in making a difference, not only to get wealthy, but to change the world, something miraculous happens. Their lives matter, because their dreams matter. They get beyond their petty quarrels and start making a contribution in a way neither of them could ever have done alone.

Find your true love. You will hear the music of the spheres. You will then be more than ready to change the world..  We are all waiting for you!​

do women need men anymore
Dec 19

Do Women Need Men?

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

Have you ever wondered if you were just another cog in a gigantic machine, utterly replaceable? Have you felt pretty much useless as a man, despite any obvious genetic endowments, in the wake of robots, clones, artificial insemination and gay marriages?

Why would a real woman ever choose a man like YOU?​

Sexual Roles: Then and Now

Ever since the hunting and gathering stage of humanity, we men have had to face the outer world, while women have had to focus on giving birth and nurturing the next generation of humanity. When finding reliable food, water, clothing and shelter occupied most of our time, the roles were highly defined.

In the modern era, although boys played knights in shining armor while girls played house, men still had to wrestle with college, career and earning money. The women could be counted on to do all the rest, including give birth, raise children, cook, clean the house and do the dirty dishes.

Men held all the financial power over women. The compact was clear and unmistakable. Most women dutifully played along.

After the sexual revolution, Western society faced women’s liberation, when all the roles were brought into question. Equal pay for equal work. Sexual discrimination has legal repercussions. Women aspired to do everything men did, and then some. Birth of the Supermom.​

women’s liberation

Today, Supermom is not all that attractive, and men have learned to play ball since the 1980’s and assume many of the nurturing activities. My partner counts on her husband to play chef 365 days a year (he is superb, by the way).

The underlying truth is that real wages in terms of constant U.S. dollars have eroded in the last generation. Where, before, a high school grad who did a brief stint in the armed forces could comfortably support a family of four in grand style, today two people have to work very hard to even hope of buying, let alone leasing, a house.​

Is It Really All About Sex and Money?

In the recent Presidential election, we witnessed an archetypal Women’s Libber win the Democratic ticket, and an archetypal Male Chauvinist win the Republican ticket. After this, no one can claim that women haven’t broken the glass ceiling, if there ever was one.

What is shocking about this particular election is that many women in the red states deserted the liberal Democratic woman for the conservative Republican man who reasserted earlier sexual and ethical values.

While it is clear that many of them, angered by the relative decline of wages, voted their pocketbook, something else may have been going on.

Could there be a deeper issue modern and postmodern people have been sidestepping? Could it be that many women want men to be men, and many men want women to be women?

Are we now looking for “real” men and women, and find that both major American parties have been offering subpar candidates?

The Man Inside / The Woman Inside

What has emerged with huge implications since the 1960’s and 1970’s is that all men have a woman inside them, and all women have a man inside them.

woman inside man

This was not simply a product of the gay rights movement. It was the profound recognition of great therapists like Carl Jung who recognized the archetypes, or deep, embedded images within our collective psyche that orient us to life and the world.

Men have the anima, or inner woman, drawn from their mother, and perhaps the collective memory of humanity. They project that idealized woman onto ladies they meet and often fall hopelessly in love.​

Women have the animus, or inner man, from their father, and perhaps from the collective unconscious. They respond to strength. Seeing external strength puts them in touch with their own inner power.​

For most of us, our actual gender, male or female, is dominant, while the opposite gender is recessive. We can now be fairly sure that 2% of us are genetically wired to prefer the same sex.

However, this leaves 98% of us following the ancient pattern, whether we like it or not.​

What Women Want Most From a Man

Transformational leaders of the 1970’s, such as Werner Erhard, came to realize that women are more powerful than men.

In the Be, Do and Have triad, men were preoccupied with the game, whereas women tended to go straight to having. Men loved to awe the campfire listeners with their recount of the hunt, while women enjoyed cooking and eating the game.

This was reinforced by the ingenuity of Vic Baranca, founder of More University, who showed us how, in modern American culture, men were primarily characterized by wanting to play games, as most of the joy was in the hunt, the prize was just a trophy to show off.​

Women, in contrast, loved the process of pure being, the actual experience, itself, as opposed to concentrating primarily on the end result. Men went after the orgasm as an objective to prove their virility, while women saw the orgasm as icing on the cake, the fireworks at the end of the evening.​

This was refined by Justin Sterling, who pioneered the Gorilla’s course for women. Justin taught women that, to succeed with men, don’t mess with him, he is an 800 pound gorilla and can lash out at you if you cross him.

Back off and help him succeed in his mission. Justin then introduced the men’s course, where he revealed that…​

…when it comes to power, women are the ocean liner, and men are the tugboats.

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When you combine insights from these great leaders, you come to the realization that women respond to men who know who they are and what they want.

Women are not seeking money and sexual prowess in and of themselves. They are seeking men with passion and vision, men with an inner power that no one can take away.

women help men deliver

Women are wired to help make men’s dreams happen. Men are lost scratching their heads until they meet the right women to point the way to making it happen. Men draw the lines in a coloring book or a paint-by-numbers picture, and women fill in the colors.

Men architect the skeleton, women clothe the skeleton with flesh and blood. Men are into ideas.  Women are into making ideals real.

If you ever check out a gay or lesbian community, you will find out that men and women actually break up into opposite roles. In addition, if you speak with a lot of isolated women, they are deeply frustrated that they have no men around to make it happen.

Related article:  Do You and Your Lover Speak the Same Language?​

How to Be the Man You Have Always Wanted to Be

In Justin Sterling’s remarkable course, we were directed to get in touch with both our power, and our vulnerability. We empower women by sharing our vision and asking their help in fulfilling it.

Women empower men by finding out their vision, even when the men, themselves, are clueless. Enlightened women are all about inspiring men to dream, and then showing those men how make their dreams come true.

At the close of Justin’s beautiful course, we were all given a rose in a candlelit ceremony, where we got in touch with our inner power, our deep need of a woman’s touch and our total vulnerability.

Since then, I have found that, when I deeply share my vision with a woman, if she is the right woman, she will powerfully respond. She seems to care more about that than how much money is in my account, or how many pounds I can lift (or carry on my waste).

I invite you to consider the power of Justin Sterling’s mantra and try it out. You have genius inside you, enough genius to change the whole world. If you only knew…if you only stepped forward.

You are the man you have always wanted to be… WHEN YOU ARE BEING!

Justin Sterling

choosing wrong man
Sep 21

Why Do I Keep Choosing the Wrong Partner?

By Conscious Owl | Conscious Relationships

You may find yourself truly in limbo. You are dating or living with a gentleman who is both comfortable and familiar, but who totally takes you for granted.

For whatever reason, your feelings are not reciprocated. You never spend time together any more. When you do, your man doesn’t seem to be all there. Half the time, you even find yourself checked out.

When you began, it was all very exciting and promising. He may have even fit your pictures. However, soon afterwards, it all became dull and lackluster... a very short “honeymoon.”​

What happened?

To top this all off, you realize that this has occurred, not once, but several different times in your life. The individual guys may have looked different, but basically, they were all the same type of gorgeous hunk…good sex, but no love.​

When This DOESN’T Apply

As we dive into this topic today, we need to point out, that we are not going to discuss extreme circumstances in this article.

This does not at all apply to extremely sick men who are habitually drunk or drug addicts. Nor does it apply to men who are excessively fond of their pistol. If the man has beaten you up, or even threatened to, you may need to exit today. Take your purse and credit cards and get right out of there.

However, most of us are not in anything like that scenario. We are genuinely mystified by the person we like to believe is our partner. We wonder why we are so chronically unlucky, even victimized.​

You, Yourself, May Be the Wrong Partner

It is very easy to focus all of our attention on what we want to the exclusion of any consideration as to what we have to give. We are out to get what we think we deserve.

We apply the most superficial criteria to others. We have a tight schedule and want others to readily adapt to our every whim.

You may be extraordinarily attractive. Granted you put a lot of time in the morning to looking beautiful. However, you didn’t do anything to deserve your bone structure and perfect complexion. You may not have gotten the attention from men you enjoy on your personality alone.

Even worse, you may have never really developed your intellect. You took the easiest major you could find. You never took much time to delve deeply within. You were having too much fun and games. You can scarcely even imagine that you have a shadow and may require a lot of inner work.​

You Are Living Out an Unconscious Pattern

Often instant attraction is based upon preconceived characteristics that are emotionally and sexually charged. If you have any doubts as to whom may be attractive, the media will put them to rest.

In truth, we can bond with anyone, male or female, given enough time. The feelings may not be exactly sexual or romantic, but you can achieve a feeling of intimacy.

We rarely consider that friendship and companionship is the foundation of every single relationship. It is important to really like people, and to be likable ourselves. We need to feel good about ourselves, and help others feel good about themselves.

What often pulls us under is what Carl Jung called the Animus for females and the Anima for males.

This is the idealized concept of father or mother that is highly sexualized. It is like an inner image that steers us to certain people and suddenly pops out. We are suddenly certain that they will complete us. That man is THE ONE for me!​

Are You In This Purely For Recreation?

Many of us date just because it is fun and adventurous. Apart from concerns around pregnancy, we can let go and have a fling with someone of the opposite sex. Initially, it is a lot more exciting than simply spending time with the gals.

This is all the more so if the man you fancy is loaded, and willing to spend a lot of money on you. Who cares about the future? Who cares about what he is really like? If the time you spend together meets your pictures, why even question it?

The great American mythologist, Joseph Campbell, spoke about marriage as an ordeal. He married Jean Erdman, one of his former students and a ballerina. Joe mentioned that it was like two masks going out together. Sooner or later, one or the other mask would break.

He no longer saw his anima in Jean, and she no longer saw her animus in him. The opportunity at that point was to have compassion for the other person, to love him or her for whom he or she really is.

Joe mentioned that most of us would back away and keep the cycle going from relationship to relationship, never tearing off the mask.

In my opinion, when you are afraid to be your true self… it is damaging to both parties. It’s like walking on thin ice… until it cracks and breaks… dropping you into cold, and dark water.

Is He Offering You Lessons You Need to Master?

Underneath it all, we are all in a dance together. We are drawn to people who can best teach us what we need to know to move on in this incarnation.

No one is better at pushing buttons than your lover. If a relationship is entered consciously, it is the perfect vehicle to grow up and awaken to our deeper self.

In this life, we, as individuals, come with a specific set of strengths and weaknesses. We will often find just the people who complement us. We can serve them with our strengths, and they can help us fill in the undeveloped parts of our psyche.

Related article:  Do You Really Want Someone Just Like You?​

This process, however, is never a breeze. We all move through upsets and disillusionment until we go deeper and deeper. We eventually learn to serve the other person. We find that we actually do have something to give that is priceless.

wrong partner

You CAN Transform Your Relationship

Whoever you might be with, you have an opportunity to work some magic. Here are a few simple steps that are difficult to master, but relatively easy to initiate.

You might want to do this in conjunction with transformational training from such organizations as Landmark Education or find a good relationship therapist. You might even move forward with the support of a peer.​

  • Start listening deeply to your partner.
  • Appreciate everything he does and continually give thanks… (or show your appreciation in other cute and feminine ways).
  • Believe in him, and help him to uncover his genius, his project to change the world.
  • Bless him silently every morning and evening.
  • Be there for him in all the twists and turns of his daily life.
  • Ask him how you can be a better partner.

If you could sustain these suggestions for any length of time, and if it all didn’t come across as contrived, you would find him wildly enthusiastic about you. I have seen enough of this in my own life to vouch for its potency.

You CAN have the relationship of your dreams. Just try not to settle for a man who does not deserve you! And if you are in the relationship that is worth building on and growing… then let your pretenses go, open your heart and truly love the one you’re already with.​